Aspergers and Dealing With Confrontation

This is a topic that I have broached in certain blog posts before but I figured I would dedicate a whole blog post to it as it is a very important aspect of life.

As somebody who is very passive, I absolutely hate and fear confrontation. I see no point in it and it intimidates me. I try and do everything in my power to avoid it. I have to say I usually succeed in avoiding confrontation but there is a big downside to this. The downside is that, when people actively do everything in their power to avoid confrontation, they tend to be treated in ways that other people aren’t because they tend to find it harder to stick up for themselves. In my opinion, the world shouldn’t operate like that and it is a huge shame that people take advantage of other people who don’t want to cause a fuss. It has happened to me a lot over my lifetime. The annoying thing is that, logically, I know that not standing up to these people increases their ego and gives them an inflated sense of power and allows them to continue being rude to people but that logic does not translate into action for me. I know exactly what I would like to say to them but I just can’t get the words out of my mouth. I know that, once the initial confrontation is over, such people would be likely to be a lot more polite in future once they know I won’t stand for their rudeness but it’s the initial confrontation that I fear so much.

I know that there are many other people both with and without Aspergers who are similar to me in trying to avoid confrontation but I think the lack of knowing how to deal with such people is indicative of the social skills deficit that is a major part of Aspergers. There are, of course, people with Aspergers who have the opposite problem-they get into confrontations all the time. I personally don’t think there are many people with Aspergers who fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum when it comes to how they interact with people. I believe this is a major reason why people on the spectrum are so liable to being bullied, which is a topic I will focus on in next week’s blog post.

It is the few people that do occupy that area in the middle that I hope end up reading this blog post as I would really welcome some advice from someone with Aspergers who has managed to master the most difficult social skill of all-how to be assertive without being aggressive. I am not saying that I don’t welcome advice from those people without Aspergers-I do. I just think that, in this situation, I would benefit most from advice from someone with a similar neurological makeup to me. Aspergers is a neurological difference and it means that the way we master certain social skills is completely different to the way that people without Aspergers do. I have had numerous people tell me that I need to learn how to stand up for myself more but I can never actually work out how to make that first step. If you have Aspergers and you are able to stand up for yourself and be assertive without being aggressive or abrasive, please let me know how you manage to do it and how you managed to do it the first ever time. I am sure that many other people with Aspergers will benefit from your advice besides just me. If you can help, please leave a comment in the Comments section. Many thanks!


5 Responses to Aspergers and Dealing With Confrontation

  1. alexforshaw says:

    I also have major problems with confrontation and being assertive. The handful of times in my life that I’ve stood up for myself have been incredibly stressful with my anxiety levels being so high that I could barely function. The only way I even managed to get that far was by planning ahead and scripting, playing out the ways it might go in my head and trying to consider responses for any eventuality. I also tried to appear reasonable and kept from raising my voice.

    I haven’t been completely successful because there are some people you just can’t convince regardless of how good a case you make, but on the bright side there haven’t been any disasters where things escalated to a shouting match (or worse). The biggest problem is that afterwards I am utterly exhausted from keeping my anxiety from overwhelming me and have to take time out to get over it all.

  2. maximusaurus says:

    AS an Aspie, confrontation is incredibly stressful for me, but its something I am actively working on because without it realize I’ll get walked over.

  3. doubtfull says:

    i have this theory, that’s this is the main point in the asperger labeling.
    asperger isn’t a syndrom, it is being a weaker part society.
    submissive more fragile falks can read and empathise, they just more into themselves as a survival mechanism.
    this is my experience.
    being in a very safe place you don’t have any difficult, but when facing society (that is inheretivley include some kind of competition) there are problems adapting.

  4. rantsnmoans says:

    I recently stood up for myself in a situation where the other person was losing patience with my ramblings – Of course I was then the one blamed for the conflict due to how I stood up for myself/reacted… I still don’t see anything wrong with what I did – all I said was (calmly may I add) ‘I wish you’d have more patience with me and not be so harsh’… Depending on the person it can be lose lose – some people are just cunts… šŸ˜•

  5. Pingback: Confrontation – Twenty-Seven Years and…

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